On Miami Beach – not hating! Just saying.

My sister & her matron & maid of honor.

What an escape! Here’s to the perfect weekend getaway, completely unencumbered by work. Superfluous amounts of food were consumed, the sun was basked in, the ocean was frolicked through, and the dance floors were… danced upon. It was exactly what I needed. Who knew hanging out with a bunch of moms in their 30’s would be so much fun!? Never underestimate the power of a married woman with kids, especially at a bachelorette party.  It was actually a challenge keeping up with them – they clearly needed a vacation more than I did.

The Gansevoort

Miami Beach was wonderful, but sorry – I definitely judged. It was a city that breeds gorgeous, tall, tan women with fabulous taste in brightly colored party dresses and heels. I had to fight an ongoing temptation to steal the Loubs right off their feet… (creepy?). Fake everythings were also quite popular among these women. The most prevalent? Boobs. When there are that many, you really can’t help but notice. I got a little self-conscious and started questioning the size of my own… (just kidding).

2nd most prevalent fake physical attribute? Fake hair, I think. My sister’s friend went to Bliss for a facial, where the aesthetician commented on how beautiful her hair was and asked where she got her extensions. When Jana explained that her hair was real, the aesthetician proceeded to rub her hands through her scalp to make sure she wasn’t lying about her nonexistent weave, I guess. Is fake hair really that prominent, where you automatically assume someone’s hair isn’t 100% real just because it’s sleek and shiny and soft and perfect? It’s called natural beauty, folks.

Another popular item to have among the beautiful ladies of Miami Beach? Men who are easily two to three times older than them. Too-tight polos snug around their Santa-Claus-like bellies. Grey hairs. Deep wrinkles. I can’t help but wonder, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYY.” Money, money, moooooney. (I’m not hating! I’m just saying. Slash pointing out the obvious. Maybe I just wasn’t hanging out in the right places?)

We went to Vita for dinner on our last night in Miami. Do not order the skirt steak. The fancier the restaurant, the more bitter I am when the food doesn’t meet my expectations. I swear I’m not a food snob – I was perfectly content at the family-owned Cuban diner we went to on Friday. It was so delicious. I just feel like food should at least taste like what it is worth. The skirt steak tasted like it was $8. If it was $8, I wouldn’t have complained.  I supposed I didn’t order the right item on the menu, so I guess it isn’t fair for me to rip the lovely Vita apart.

All in all, it was an amazing time. Great people-watching destination, for sure. I could definitely go back to Miami Beach again, but I feel like my next stop should be London or Paris or Florence… that would be more my scene. Romantic and shit. :)


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Categories: eat, drink, & be merry, reflections & musings


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